The people living parallel lives inside their heads

PETALING JAYA: Most people drift off into a fantasy from time to time. Perhaps it’s an imagined conversation, a dream job, a holiday yet to be taken, or a scenario where everything goes exactly right.

But what happens when those fantasies become so vivid and immersive that they begin to overshadow real life?

According to the BBC, some people spend hours each day immersed in elaborate imaginary worlds complete with recurring characters, detailed storylines, and emotional highs and lows that can feel as real as anything happening around them.

The experience is known as “maladaptive daydreaming”, a term coined by clinical psychologist Eli Somer more than two decades ago.

Unlike ordinary daydreaming, which researchers generally consider a normal and even beneficial mental activity, maladaptive daydreaming can become compulsive and disruptive.

“It causes distress and it interferes with your ability to function … but you keep doing it because of the compulsive quality,” psychiatrist Colin Ross said. He estimates the condition may affect between 2% and 4% of adults.

For some people, the fantasies begin as a refuge. The BBC spoke to Kyla Borcherds, who said she started creating imaginary worlds as a child after being teased at school because of her accent.

The stories became a safe place where she felt accepted and valued. But over time, the daydreams became harder to control.

“It was just this really powerful urge,” she said. Years later, she realised the habit was affecting her ambitions and motivation.

“Why would I put a lot of time and energy into trying to get promoted at work, when I can have that in my imagination right now with no effort?”

Experts believe the condition often develops as a coping mechanism. People struggling with loneliness, trauma, depression or unmet emotional needs may find themselves drawn to fantasy worlds where they feel loved, admired or successful.

An interviewee named Maria, for example, spent years imagining detailed scenarios in which she was recognised and appreciated by others.

She described the experience as living in “a parallel world”, adding: “It captures your attention constantly.”

Psychologists say the problem is not imagination itself: daydreaming can support creativity, empathy, emotional regulation and even help people make sense of their experiences.

“If you don’t daydream at all, I’d feel sorry for you,” Ross told the BBC.

The difficulty arises when people lose the ability to choose when to engage with those fantasies – “when the person no longer harnesses the fantasy, and the fantasy begins to harness the person”, as Somer puts it.

Researchers have also found links between maladaptive daydreaming and conditions such as ADHD, OCD, anxiety and depression. One study found that 43% of autistic adults surveyed reported experiences associated with maladaptive daydreaming.

Although maladaptive daydreaming is not currently recognised as an official diagnosis in major psychiatric manuals, awareness of the condition is growing.

Specialists say treatment generally focuses not on eliminating imagination, but on helping people regain control over it. Strategies can include identifying triggers, reducing behaviours that fuel excessive daydreaming, practising mindfulness, and seeking therapy where needed.

For many people, recovery is possible. Borcherds, who now moderates an online support community for maladaptive daydreamers, said she has developed a healthier relationship with her imagination.

“Having stories in your head is not the problem – being addicted to those stories is the problem,” she concluded.